Bird

0205.2010

The birds I gather into my apron,
Different than the stones wanted,
And much lighter

It’s as if the bone not glass
The wing not broken:

I could almost go up.

But there’s this one bird
Fragile and a little afraid and
Folding itself away from mirrors and man –

In the trees it won’t sing,
Not even the sunny days.

It lilts like its feather falling,
A wound broken from its beak,

Other birds keep distance abreast.

It sees its self the solitary fowl -
Isolated capon hunters feed their children,
I even tried to pocket it
To shield it from the whiteout
But something too fast for my hand calls it:

I think it hears the sleep of a cellar door
Where slumber waits gone from flocks.

I empty the birds from my apron,
Gather the stones instead.

The river is just thirty-eight feet ahead.

- Marni©

Finished the layout, now ready to transfer to my board ~

Thank you for the kind comments regarding my work. I'm very excited to begin a watercolor painting once again. The theme? Love. Of course.

A sneak peek at 'some' of the layout started today.

I have to practically live in a cave working on this because it's been a challenge on such an emotional level. There's baggage attached to this piece and so I dread working on it. Hours will go by before I pick up the pencil and can finally lose myself in the work. Today I slept in and refuse to speak to anyone, I just have to focus on the work to get anything done.

This has been anything but smooth, but a promise was made to finish it. The good news, foliage is finished, now just the upper half, which is less involved. Then some touch ups. 

Something happened and seven poems resulted between yesterday and today. Not feeling myself, and very apathetic to my surroundings, downright angry at times. Writing seemed best to make sense why. Am working on Jou Jou this evening, throughout morning.

Some small progress from the 9th.

The Man Outside (For Henry Rollins)
0110.2010

I read it:
Pregnant woman punched by commissioner,
Innocent and bruised fruit in the womb
Reduced to stoppage in muscle,
A man’s eviction.

Then I read this:
Blond forgot France is a country,
Her beauty turns blind eyes and we smile
Watching civilization decline.
It’s unfair.

Then I see:
Woman’s past manipulates man
The truth is unwilling reliability.
If she’s black and blue meat
When he’s finished,
I’m okay,
I admit it.
But her man is on her finger
Like a stuck ring,
She’s dreamy.

I cut losses.

As I say,
Man scares me, hitches my demise.
Better to run down carnivorous streets,
Slipping into the black -

When there’s a man outside.

Terrorists make threats,
America checks for its gun.
The world overlooks bronze babies shot,
But not before missing rice and plants,
Or sad eyes getting a last lungful of sand:
Sigh goodbye cleaning a chamber
Then cross yourself without devotion -

I didn’t do anything though, either.

Words fail in these times.
Chronological order seems dumb,
Your comprehension futile,
No literal meaning mocks these matters.

Maybe words always failed.

Did they for Virginia or Stanford?
I heard Anne got tired,
That Sylvia preferred cooking.

I don’t know maestro,
Just don’t hold me to it
Slipping into the black.

There’s a man outside.

- Marni©

We are making headway:

The Man In Black
1229.2009

The man came to me on a black horse,
his flask was full of black water.

He rode along a deep black lake,
his ride cavorted with its reflection.

The man wore a black suit that made his fingers bone bright
and he pulled his black hat down that smelled like bad meat,
like a million roads someplace far.

The man said, “You must be earth’s daughter.”

I replied I was.

“How’s life walking along her spine?”

“It’s like striking a match on the gasoline,
like beautiful bravo and bitter blight,” I said.

The man in black nodded. “So I hear.”
He spat on the ground and grinned.

The man got off his horse to walk beside me,
I noticed there were songs in his eyes.

The grass was so high between us,
it met my waist and his hips.

The wind kind of sighed like a tired woman
and the sun was a speck of coal in my eye.

“I tell ya girl,” his voice was earnest,
“Living ain’t easy, you got peoples pain stacked against you.”

Then he looked at me, “You got to reckon next time, now.”

We stopped on a dirt road leading into a hole of wire trees,
I heard a dog bark somewhere far away.
“Maybe from the Janus plantation,” he said.

The man took out his flask of black water,
“Want some?” he asked.

I looked at the flask for a minute or two.
All these years I'd been thirsty as man with a bad accent.
I thought why not,
I was learning how to leave trails with no scent.


I drank the black water,
there was nothing else.


Marni©

Thought I’d do a public entry (gasp) even though it’s been months since my last and will be the last personal post in this journal until the end of 2010.

2009 was a great year in hindsight. I learned that while people are human and share similar experiences to our own, it doesn’t mean they are good for us. New friendships were made and proven to be valuable - and an old friend entered back into my life. As a result I realize how disoriented I was for years without other genuinely creative souls to connect with.

We also took in a stray dog we call Odyss. I chose the name because he was as spirited as Odysseus, and lost. Odyss was trying to find his way to somewhere, possibly home. He’s a whippet lab mix that was chained and starved before being turned loose. He was pretty beat up when he arrived and you could see muscle and bone under his thin coat. Odyss is like Velcro, always with us in all we do.

The most important thing about 2009 was managing to find love in my work again. After nearly ten years of struggling to find direction and love for painting again, something happened. I let go of everything, relinquished control and care for people I couldn’t grasp, severed ties with people who couldn’t find their own faults and decided to find my own. I admitted defeat in several areas of my life, and then slowly picked up the pieces. I feel unstoppable and completely in control. I am never complacent though. This works, believe it or not.

The most important event this year was my relocation back to the states. This year was fortunate in love where I met someone I can relate to and share the good times and changes with. I have a home, and a friend. Three days after the new year I will have been home and living with my partner one full year.

2009 was not without struggles, but it was all pointed in a positive direction.

Also, I want to thank people who view my work. I’ve received emails from a few people expressing their admiration for what I do. Even though I do not respond to the comments posted here (I honestly do not know what to say but thank you) your comments have been very encouraging. I’m always feeling glad if something I create makes an impression on others. Your views are always appreciated. Thank you very much for them.

Odyss

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